her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
