So drunk, too bad you don't want this
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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