i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
