I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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