I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
