somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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