She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
then he tried to convert me to islam
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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