did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
