why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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