kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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