He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
