Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
