i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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