he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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