Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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