how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
