For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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