On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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