dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Shame is for Republicans.
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