I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
