i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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