What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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