is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
