well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
