life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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