what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
