my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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