your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
