her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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