we have pet lesbian snakes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
