omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
