Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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