billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He passed out mid-signature
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
