Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
