i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
