I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
