ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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