you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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