..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
