I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
