I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
