and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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