Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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