My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
