how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
