He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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