Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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