Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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