Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
