yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
