I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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