So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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