They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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