Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
