do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
