just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is Oprah even human
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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