remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
