So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
