he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
