After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize