Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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