My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
