He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
