i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
