i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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