yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
