Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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