you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
