Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Send help, water and tortillas.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
