i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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