im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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