that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
