OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
