If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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