Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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