I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
